Your local club at the weekend is the same as any other. Up and down the country at around 11pm on a Friday night, hundreds and thousands of part-goers, fuelled by one too many sambucas, will forget their troubles of the week and stumble their way onto the dance floor to strut their funky stuff. Watching these creatures bust out some moves is just a tad cringe-worthy, particularly when you realise you’ve come across each and every stereotype oh so many times before.

Yes, come the weekend, we like to let our hair down and, as we flail our arms and legs around with something that bears a vague semblance to rhythm, it really is a case of murder on the dance floor.

So, how many of these types of dancers can you identify with? Dare you even admit to which you are?

1. The ‘Dance like no one’s watching‘ 

The club-goer so inebriated and lost in the music that the rhythm has finally got them. They forget where they are and that people can see them. Sadly, we can indeed. The shame…

2. The smooth operator

To attract a mate, the peacock displays its impressive plumage; the skunk exudes its scent. The courtship ritual of the smooth operator is performed through the medium of dance, roaming from lady to lady and grinding up and down on her. This predatory move will, in most cases, revolt all those it is inflicted upon, but he will persist until maybe, just maybe, some woman, weakened from white wine, will succumb to his dubious charms.

3. The pseudo lesbian

The woman’s mating call. To attract the attention of the male, BFFs writhe up and down each other, throwing the occasional slut drop in for good measure. Katy Perry has a lot to answer for.

4. The fake-break dancer

Everyone’s a B-Boy these days. The Hip Hop songs come on and this dancer starts throwing his body haphazardly around on the floor. The only thing he’ll be potentially breaking tonight is a hip.

5. The routine dancer

They know every dance craze of the last thirty years. From the Macarena to the Cha Cha Slide, Saturday Night to the YMCA, they have all the moves memorised and are determined to perform the routine with more vigour and enthusiasm than anyone else in the club if it’s the very last thing they do.

Which one are you?